Sunday, February 16, 2020

Comment Wall

Kama, God of Love (Tanjore Heathen Gods, link)

The link to my Storybook: https://sites.google.com/view/talesoflove/home

15 comments:

  1. Hi Alana,
    Aweee. I am also doing a storybook about Kamadeva! The introduction is really good. I kinda imagine an older couple sitting by the fire having that cute old couple relationship where they just tease each other. I love the ending and how he started the story like a fairy tale. Have you thought about like specifying what story Kama would tell first like would it be one of his classics (Rama and Sita and the Brahman Girl and Tiger) or would it be one she hasn't heard before? Would you have an episode where Rati tells the story with her own perspective on it because she talks about how she tells tales better than Kama? I wonder if Rati ever had like a say in all of these love stories. Did she have a role? It would be cool for each story if after you kind of had like a dialogue between the couple and how Rati felt about the story telling.
    Can't wait to read more!!

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  2. Alana,
    Your introduction for your project is really good! It does a great job of setting up background of Kama by explaining that he is the god of love and all the stories you will be telling are because of him. I think your idea about introducing Kama and Rati is very intriguing and keeps viewers reading. It would even be a cool idea to share their love story as one of your project pages! The dialogue you use does a great job of portraying the love between the 2 of them. Your use of descriptive words for their actions also really helps readers visualize what they are doing and where they are. When I read about Rati trying to suppress an eye roll, I actually thought about how hard that action is. I also really like how you ended the intro by introducing that Kama would be the narrator, but leaving suspicion as to what story he would be telling first. I can't wait to read more about the love stories and see where Kama and Rati's personalities go.

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  3. Alana!

    Hurry up and add some stories! Your introduction grabbed my attention! I like the picture that you chose for your homepage. I suggest as you get your stories posted, that you move your menu down into the white space below your title and graphic and arrange them where they fill in the white space. Perhaps you could use the images that you post in the intro and each story as thumbnails or just position them with their menu link.

    You did a good job orienting the reader to who the two characters in the introduction are supposed to be. I love the "I was there and I can tell it better than you," comment. I snickered at that one.

    I'd be interested in hearing from you as the author as well. I'd like to know why you decided to focus on these stories. Are you a romantic at heart? Are you trying to parallel love stories to teach a lesson? I assume your authors notes for each story will be why you chose each individual story, so your blurb for the intro should be focused on what you want to achieve in the story as a whole.

    I'm so excited to read more. I'll bookmark your page.

    Thanks for sharing!

    -Eden

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  4. Hello Alana,
    I normally do not like any kind of romance or love story but your intro still made me curious. You did a very good job adding details into the intro so that it paints a picture in the reader's mind. Also I found Rati's exasperation at Kama retelling the same story funny. The dialogue is written well as well, it flows with the story and shows a bit of Kama's and Rita's character.
    This is the first time I've read anything about Kama and Rati (that I remember) and you do a very good job of siding the reader who Kama is. I'm not sure about Rati though except that she is a goddess. But what is she a goddess of?
    I do have one suggestion about the layout of your website. Did you know you can put the link to your comment wall in the footer and it will show up on all the pages of your site? I think that's really handy to be able to easily go to the comment wall.

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  5. Hey Alana!

    Reading your introduction peaked my interest so now I’m curious as to what the rest of the stories will be like. What I liked about your intro is the set up between Rati and Kama. You wrote your story descriptive enough that I can vividly imagine them siting in their living room at night. Based on your story, I also get a cozy and comfy night vibe. Another aspect that I thought was interesting was the perspective. You made it so that the stories are coming straight from the storyteller and that’s a great idea.

    On the other hand, I would like to know more about how you came to this topic. I would also like a paragraph just explaining your perspective of this story as to why you chose this Topic. I love romance stories so I wonder if you do too. Anyways, great intro and I can’t wait to read your next stories.

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  6. Hey Alana!
    I must say I love the introduction to your project. While I have read some other projects that have love stories as the theme, none of them have stood out quite like yours in terms of the introduction. When Kami begins his story at the end of the introduction, I am so ready to hear about these tales he has played a part in! The personality you have given to both Rati and Kama is the aspect that draws me in the most. The way she has heard all of his stories, and rolls her eyes at him just reminds me of a couple that has been together forever. It feels as though Rati may just be trying to humor Kama by letting him relive his glory days. I, on the other hand, am genuinely interested in learning more about his obscure adventures and the roles he has played in various love stories. I love this start! I cannot wait to see what you have in store.

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  7. Hey Alana!
    I must say I love the introduction to your project. While I have read some other projects that have love stories as the theme, none of them have stood out quite like yours in terms of the introduction. When Kami begins his story at the end of the introduction, I am so ready to hear about these tales he has played a part in! The personality you have given to both Rati and Kama is the aspect that draws me in the most. The way she has heard all of his stories, and rolls her eyes at him just reminds me of a couple that has been together forever. It feels as though Rati may just be trying to humor Kama by letting him relive his glory days. I, on the other hand, am genuinely interested in learning more about his obscure adventures and the roles he has played in various love stories. I love this start! I cannot wait to see what you have in store.

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  8. Hey Alana,
    I feel like a really good way to catch a reader's attention is to develop one's introduction as well as title, and I feel like you really did a good job at both! Obviously, more than likely, a reader is caught by the title of a piece. Yours seemed simple but it got me curious as to what it could mean. As many before me have mentioned, your introduction was really enveloping as well. I tend to get distracted through out stories, and introductions are a main place where I normally do. However, with yours, I kept reading as I was really intrigued on how the main plot of your story would turn out. Introductions can normally be rushed because most writers would like to get to the main point that they have been developing, so they do not spend as much time on it, but I feel as though you did well on both the main points as well as the introduction. I also really liked your syntax and details throughout the story as well. All in all, it kept my interest in the story really high and I finished it much quicker than I thought I would! Really great job, and I am excited for and confident in your future writing.

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  9. Hi, Alana!
    With your introduction to this storybook, it paints a perfect picture in my head. I can truly envision the CUTEST old couple who are cuddled up in their cute little home and is warm and cozy and full of love and happiness. I can image the woman, who is sitting and reading love stories, dazing off and smiling, for she is a hopeless romantic. The ending of the introduction is one of my favorites that I have read. I think that it is such a good ending to the introduction, yet such a good start to the rest of your storybook! I look forward to seeing how the rest of your stories play out throughout the semester and how they build off of the introduction that you have made! If I were to suggest anything, it would be to maybe go more into detail for some of the future stories, so that readers are hooked.

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  10. Hi Alana,
    I think your introduction was very well written and provides a great idea of what your storybook will be about. I am a sucker for cute love stories and that is what caught my attention about your storybook. The language that you use is very expressive and creates great imagery along with creating very nice dialogue between a husband and wife. Your first story "Jakata" was also a very nice read. I think the picture you used is cool and pretty graphic! It paints a very strong picture of the power of love. A man is dying but the only thing he can think of is his wife and I think that speaks volumes about how powerful love can be. I really like your storybook and I can't wait to see how you decide to precede with it and what other stories you decide to add to it!

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  11. I am so excited that you're doing your storybook about Kamadeva! Your introduction had me hooked the way you describe the mannerisms and your use of questions gives a more personalized view of the story. The usage of onomatopoeias also adds to the visual effect of the story. You are a great writer because as I am reading the story I can picture the scene in my head. Even though by the title I am assuming Kama is the protagonist but I enjoyed that you didn't just right your introduction in his view but instead as a conversation with his wife Rita. I liked how you wrote and described her character in the story I hope we will see more of her. It makes the story even more interesting as he is talking about love stories with his own wife. I am excited to read all about the stories in which the Kama was the love cupid of Ramayana.

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  12. Hi Alana! I love the topic of your storybook. I do have just a couple of suggestions that I think could make it even better! I think if you included a one-sentence description of what your storybook is going to be about on your front page, it could help the reader know more about what they are about to read. I don’t think it needs to be super detailed, but just one sentence explanation. Overall, I love the simplicity of your design. I think that is a super important stylistic trait that we sometimes overlook, but it works really well for your project. I think one thing you could do (if you wanted) is include more pictures. Personally, I like the white backsplash, so instead of adding pictures to the banner, I think including more pictures in the story would be a great idea. I also love that your stories have dialogue in them, I think that helps makes stories flow better and keeps your reader engaged! Great Job!

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  13. Hello Alana,
    Your introduction was very good, and it was interesting. I myself, am a person who does not typically read romantic things just because sometimes the love story is just too unrealistic ha. Even with this being said, yours was nice to read because like reality not all love stories have a happy ending. I like how well you wrote your introduction! Some pictures would be a great add-on, even just a simple picture of a crow flying would be nice! It would help with the imagination for the reader! How you said that the reading could have been try if you had not add the conversation between the two was a great move. I really do not have anything bad to say, but pictures added would be awesome. I think you are on the right track of having some great stories and I will definitely look forward to reading more of the stories you begin to right further in the future. Great job!

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  14. Hello Alana!
    I just finished reading your storybook project! I really enjoyed reading it and was engaged in your style and description! Your layout of the site was easy to navigate and your design fit your theme really well! As for your story, I really like how you set up and described the interaction with the couple because it made it seem easier to connect with their characters and made them seem more a lot more real. I would definitely keep up with those funny moments and interaction between them and its also a great way to transition to the actual stories! The first story was great! I like how he took credit for the great love and selfishness even though he shot the guy in the first place haha keep up the great work! I am excited to continue to keep up with your storybook and read the rest! Stay safe!

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  15. Alana,

    For starters, your cliffhanger absolutely translated well into the next story... although, I'm not sure you'll be getting to that anytime soon so all of us might be left hanging here forever! Haha, nonetheless your story and introduction were both very well written. The way you write is eloquent, natural feeling, and very easy to read. I found no grammatical errors in the whole text. Also, I'm not sure if you intended for this other sort of play on words, but I love the "tea" atmosphere between Kama and Rati ;-) It's quite entertaining - both literally and figuratively. The whole vibe of the storytelling felt so warm and cozy... I don't know how to explain it. I just imagined an old couple sitting in front of the fireplace knitting and reading the newspaper and talking amongst each other. So cute! It kind of reminded me of how Nicholas Sparks movies always start out with someone reminiscing back to their love story from when they were younger :')

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