Sunday, February 16, 2020

Comment Wall

Kama, God of Love (Tanjore Heathen Gods, link)

The link to my Storybook: https://sites.google.com/view/talesoflove/home

9 comments:

  1. Hi Alana,
    Aweee. I am also doing a storybook about Kamadeva! The introduction is really good. I kinda imagine an older couple sitting by the fire having that cute old couple relationship where they just tease each other. I love the ending and how he started the story like a fairy tale. Have you thought about like specifying what story Kama would tell first like would it be one of his classics (Rama and Sita and the Brahman Girl and Tiger) or would it be one she hasn't heard before? Would you have an episode where Rati tells the story with her own perspective on it because she talks about how she tells tales better than Kama? I wonder if Rati ever had like a say in all of these love stories. Did she have a role? It would be cool for each story if after you kind of had like a dialogue between the couple and how Rati felt about the story telling.
    Can't wait to read more!!

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  2. Alana,
    Your introduction for your project is really good! It does a great job of setting up background of Kama by explaining that he is the god of love and all the stories you will be telling are because of him. I think your idea about introducing Kama and Rati is very intriguing and keeps viewers reading. It would even be a cool idea to share their love story as one of your project pages! The dialogue you use does a great job of portraying the love between the 2 of them. Your use of descriptive words for their actions also really helps readers visualize what they are doing and where they are. When I read about Rati trying to suppress an eye roll, I actually thought about how hard that action is. I also really like how you ended the intro by introducing that Kama would be the narrator, but leaving suspicion as to what story he would be telling first. I can't wait to read more about the love stories and see where Kama and Rati's personalities go.

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  3. Alana!

    Hurry up and add some stories! Your introduction grabbed my attention! I like the picture that you chose for your homepage. I suggest as you get your stories posted, that you move your menu down into the white space below your title and graphic and arrange them where they fill in the white space. Perhaps you could use the images that you post in the intro and each story as thumbnails or just position them with their menu link.

    You did a good job orienting the reader to who the two characters in the introduction are supposed to be. I love the "I was there and I can tell it better than you," comment. I snickered at that one.

    I'd be interested in hearing from you as the author as well. I'd like to know why you decided to focus on these stories. Are you a romantic at heart? Are you trying to parallel love stories to teach a lesson? I assume your authors notes for each story will be why you chose each individual story, so your blurb for the intro should be focused on what you want to achieve in the story as a whole.

    I'm so excited to read more. I'll bookmark your page.

    Thanks for sharing!

    -Eden

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  4. Hello Alana,
    I normally do not like any kind of romance or love story but your intro still made me curious. You did a very good job adding details into the intro so that it paints a picture in the reader's mind. Also I found Rati's exasperation at Kama retelling the same story funny. The dialogue is written well as well, it flows with the story and shows a bit of Kama's and Rita's character.
    This is the first time I've read anything about Kama and Rati (that I remember) and you do a very good job of siding the reader who Kama is. I'm not sure about Rati though except that she is a goddess. But what is she a goddess of?
    I do have one suggestion about the layout of your website. Did you know you can put the link to your comment wall in the footer and it will show up on all the pages of your site? I think that's really handy to be able to easily go to the comment wall.

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  5. Hey Alana!

    Reading your introduction peaked my interest so now I’m curious as to what the rest of the stories will be like. What I liked about your intro is the set up between Rati and Kama. You wrote your story descriptive enough that I can vividly imagine them siting in their living room at night. Based on your story, I also get a cozy and comfy night vibe. Another aspect that I thought was interesting was the perspective. You made it so that the stories are coming straight from the storyteller and that’s a great idea.

    On the other hand, I would like to know more about how you came to this topic. I would also like a paragraph just explaining your perspective of this story as to why you chose this Topic. I love romance stories so I wonder if you do too. Anyways, great intro and I can’t wait to read your next stories.

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  6. Hey Alana!
    I must say I love the introduction to your project. While I have read some other projects that have love stories as the theme, none of them have stood out quite like yours in terms of the introduction. When Kami begins his story at the end of the introduction, I am so ready to hear about these tales he has played a part in! The personality you have given to both Rati and Kama is the aspect that draws me in the most. The way she has heard all of his stories, and rolls her eyes at him just reminds me of a couple that has been together forever. It feels as though Rati may just be trying to humor Kama by letting him relive his glory days. I, on the other hand, am genuinely interested in learning more about his obscure adventures and the roles he has played in various love stories. I love this start! I cannot wait to see what you have in store.

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  7. Hey Alana!
    I must say I love the introduction to your project. While I have read some other projects that have love stories as the theme, none of them have stood out quite like yours in terms of the introduction. When Kami begins his story at the end of the introduction, I am so ready to hear about these tales he has played a part in! The personality you have given to both Rati and Kama is the aspect that draws me in the most. The way she has heard all of his stories, and rolls her eyes at him just reminds me of a couple that has been together forever. It feels as though Rati may just be trying to humor Kama by letting him relive his glory days. I, on the other hand, am genuinely interested in learning more about his obscure adventures and the roles he has played in various love stories. I love this start! I cannot wait to see what you have in store.

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  8. Hey Alana,
    I feel like a really good way to catch a reader's attention is to develop one's introduction as well as title, and I feel like you really did a good job at both! Obviously, more than likely, a reader is caught by the title of a piece. Yours seemed simple but it got me curious as to what it could mean. As many before me have mentioned, your introduction was really enveloping as well. I tend to get distracted through out stories, and introductions are a main place where I normally do. However, with yours, I kept reading as I was really intrigued on how the main plot of your story would turn out. Introductions can normally be rushed because most writers would like to get to the main point that they have been developing, so they do not spend as much time on it, but I feel as though you did well on both the main points as well as the introduction. I also really liked your syntax and details throughout the story as well. All in all, it kept my interest in the story really high and I finished it much quicker than I thought I would! Really great job, and I am excited for and confident in your future writing.

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  9. Hi, Alana!
    With your introduction to this storybook, it paints a perfect picture in my head. I can truly envision the CUTEST old couple who are cuddled up in their cute little home and is warm and cozy and full of love and happiness. I can image the woman, who is sitting and reading love stories, dazing off and smiling, for she is a hopeless romantic. The ending of the introduction is one of my favorites that I have read. I think that it is such a good ending to the introduction, yet such a good start to the rest of your storybook! I look forward to seeing how the rest of your stories play out throughout the semester and how they build off of the introduction that you have made! If I were to suggest anything, it would be to maybe go more into detail for some of the future stories, so that readers are hooked.

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